Clandestine
by potato.mizu
Summary: One-shot about Yuri Katsuki's hidden feelings.


**Yuri's Point of View**

 **"You may now kiss"**

I held back my tears as those words spilled from the priest's mouth. Viktor's warm and smiling face tugged my heart.

 **"I will always and forever love you, my dear"** he said lovingly with adoration dancing in his eyes.

He slowly closed the gap between her and him that made the crowd erupt.

 **"Let us congratulate Mr. and Mrs. Nikiforov!"** the priest said and we all clapped. It's all too late now, everything is too late. The tears I held back fell as I smiled. I'm happy for the new couple but I can't remove the pain I'm feeling in my chest. It hurts so much that I wanna escape this place right now.

Viktor smiled and waved at me. I also did the same. I mouthed him a congrats before he entertained some of his guest.

 **"Oi, Katsudon"** Yuri said without looking at me and threw me a handkerchief. **"I have my own, you know"** I replied but decided to use his anyway. **"Just shut up and use it okay!?"** he replied furiously but it was pretty normal of him. I can't help but laugh at him. **"Thank you, Yurio"** I said and smiled at him. **"Really... Are you going to see the newlyweds with a face full of snot? You'll just embarrass them"** he replied. **"Right"** I grinned at his tsundere mode.

Yurio knows how I feel towards Viktor but he kept silent about it and he didn't even tell Otabek about it, given that they are currently best of friends.

 **"Let's go meet them too and please, don't be too obvious"** he whined and dragged me towards the newlyweds.

 **"I don't think I can skate anymore"** I huffed and sprawled in the ice rink. **"Oi, we're not yet finished, you pig!"** Yurio shouted at me as he kicked my leg. **"But I'm too tired to move"** I mumbled. **"You got more stamina than me so get your ass moving already!"** he shouted and forced me to stand. **"You're the one who asked me to practice and I didn't even had any break"** I said. **"Ha!? Are you complaining, you pig!?"** he shhouted again and grabbed by cloth. **"And we're supposed to go here for vacation too"** I pouted and he released his grip. **"Are you really on a vacation or are you just mending your broken heart?"** he sacked me there and I remained silent. **"Well, whatever. Anyway it's been months already. Get a grip on yourself. Beka told me the others are already starting their programs. You should too"** he said with a gentle tone. **"Since Viktor is going to take an off, I think I'll ask Celestino to coach me again"** I said and he kicked me. **"Like hell you will! You'll come back with me to Russia under Yakov!"** he said and pinched my ear. **"Hey Yurio! It hurts!"** I complained and he released it eventually. **"Just remember that true love will always overcome first love. It's just another page of your story. Who knows, you might meet someone who will treasure you too"** he said with his back facing me. It was rare for Yurio to say these kinds of things so that made me smile. **"So you can even say those kind of things, Yurio"** I said while smiling. **"Oi! Are you making fun of me, you fatso!?"**

 **"Oi Beka, get me some water"** Yurio said as he nudged Otabek. Otabek immediately followed his orders and went to the counter. **"Let's go back to the rink after we finish our coffee"** I said and took a sip of mine. Yurio's eyes fell on my hand and crumpled his face. **"If I were you, I'd remove that already"** he said and looked away. I placed my cup down and touched the ring. **"There's nothing wrong about hoping right?"** I asked. **"Yea, but you're just hurting yourself"** he replied. **"That's a given when you fall in love"** I replied and gave a smile. **"Really... Why am I surrounded with idiots?"** he muttered. **"Ah, I forgot I'm going somewhere. You guys go there first"** I said as I gathered my things. **"Oi! Where are you going!?"** he shouted but I already rushed to the door. The cold winter wind embraced my warm face that fogged my glasses. I called a cab and went directly to the post office. My parents is not too good with gadgets so I gotta stick with old fashioned ways.

After dropping the mail, I called a cab to go back to the rink. **"Mister, I'm sorry but my tire got flat"** the taxi driver said so I got no choice. I got off the cab and decided to take a stroll on the cold day. Not much vehicles are passing in the seaside. The cold wind from the sea is staring to freeze me and I tried to warm my and with my breath. I looked at the ring and shook my head.

Viktor has done so much for me so I should be sincerely happy that he will have person that will take care and love him most. I should just get rid of this feelings for the both of our sakes. After all, everything is too one sided, it's just I who misunderstood his kindness.

 **"Yuri!"**

Speak of the devil. I looked behind with a forced smile and saw Viktor in his car waving his hand at me. **"Viktor.."** I replied and waved back. He stopped his car in front of me and opened the door. **"Get in, it's not good to walk in the cold"** he said and smiled at me. I was reluctant about his offer but he will find it weird if I decline. I went inside his car and he started to drive.

The car was silent that I could even hear my own heart beating. Maybe fate is playing tricks on me. I remained silent until we got into the rink. **"It was a good thing I decided to pass by the seaside. You could've been frozen"** he said as he unbuckled his seat belt.

 **"Viktor, I want to tell you something"** I gathered my courage that stopped his tracks. I exhaled heavily and removed the ring from my hand. **"I want to thank you for everything, Viktor"** I said and smiled at him. **"What are you saying, Yuri? It's like that time you want to say goodbye to me"** he brushed it off. I grabbed his hand and placed the ring on it and closed his hand. **"Give that to your future students, Viktor. Tell them that it was from your student who beat your score in the free skate program"** I joked but he found it humorless. **"Why are you giving this to me?"** he asked seriously.

If I continue on seeing this ring, I won't be able to let go of my feelings for you. I want you to be happy. **"Just take it as a memento or as a good luck charm for your future student"** I said. **"It's not like I don't want it or something but just like we did back then, I gave you that as a token o gratitude so it's just like passing it like a charm"** I said and laughed. **"Anyway, I'll be off, Viktor. Be safe"** I immediately got off his car and ran away. In the end, I wasn't able to tell him my feelings.

 **"Yuri, let's go to Hasetsu Castle!"** Phichit said as he grabbed my sleeves. He went here for a break and also to visit me. It's been a month since I went back to Japan to train and create my own choreography. I remember how enraged Yurio was when I told him my decision but I think this is the best for me. **"You just got here, Phichit. Rest for a while"** I replied. **"But look! The sun is shining over the thick snow it's a good view"** he retorted. **"There's still tomorrow, you know"** I replied. **"It will be a different thing. I must grab this chance or I might never see it again. You should never let go of the things already in front of you. Who knows, it might be gloomy tomorrow"** he said.

Phichit was right then. The sky was covered with dark clouds and a handful of snow is falling. **"It was a good thing we had a stroll yesterday"** Phichit said in delight. **"Yeah... Maybe you have a silver tongue"** I replied. We continued the conversation leading to nothing until my phone rang. It was Yurio.

 **"Katsudon... Come back to Russia immediately"**

I rushed at the halls until I found the room Yurio told me. The only people present in the hall are Viktor's wife, Yakov, Otabek and Yurio. I took a step closer until I saw Viktor, with a thick sheet of glass separating us, laying on bed with various machines attached in his body. He was covered in bandages and no sign of consciousness. My tears fell as I silently prayed that he will open his eyes.

 **"Katsudon..."** Yurio approached me. **"I'm sorry I just arrived. What happened to Viktor?"** I asked wit my voice cracking. The others looked at me sadly but they remained silent. **"He was caught up in the accident while driving. It was a major news here but the hospital won't let the media in which was a good thing but Viktor is showing no signs of recovery"** Yurio explained. **"Yura, I'll get you drinks"** Otabek interjected and left. I looked at Viktor again and that made my tears fall. **"Please wake up already, Viktor"** I muttered while tears stream down my face.

A few hours later, I was inside the ICU with a white hospital gown and a nurse checking his condition. A few minutes later, she left me alone after telling me to go out after 10 minutes. I slowly and carefully held Viktor's hands and kissed it through the mask. After a few days of waiting, I finally got to touch and be near him. It was agonizing just looking at him through the glass. **"Viktor, please wake up already. We miss you. It's not like you to stay still here without doing anything. You see, your fans out there are worried for you so wake up already"** I said as tears streamed down my face. **"Please stay strong, Viktor. You have a wife waiting for you to wake up. Yakov, Yurio... Your teammates here in Russia and your friends all over the world... They're waiting for you to wake up, Viktor"** I said while my tears are falling. I can't stop crying knowing that there might be a possibility he would never wake up again. **"You still have to pass the ring right? You know what, I'm creating my own program just like you did when you still competed. You're the reason why I want to win. I still haven't become a five time world champion, so open your eyes already and watch me, your student, skate again. I promise I will win the gold this time..."** I said as more tears rolled down. **"Viktor, please wake up already, I still haven't told you that I love you yet"** I muttered softly and squeezed his hand gently. **"Please let me hear your voice again, please touch me wit your warm hands and... please... skate together with me again"** I cried quietly while hoping that he would move his hands and tell me that everything will be okay. **"Viktor... please..."** I sobbed and kissed his hand through the mask again.

All of a sudden, the alarms on his machines went off and his ECG monitor is giving a different readings. **"Viktor!"** I called out to him but then a group of nurses and doctors came rushing and some of them lead me outside. Only then Yuri and Otabek came rushing along with Viktor's wife.

 **"Yuri! What happened in here!?"**

I can hear voices but my eyes are fixated in the room where Viktor is. I could not think clearly. Viktor, please wake up. Please, for the sake of the people who loves you. I don't want to live in a world without you Viktor. Please come back already. I will be a good friend to you so please open your eyes already. **"Viktor... wake up"** I muttered as my tears continued on flowing. **"Please let me watch you skate on ice again"** I pleaded.

 _ **After a few years**_

I strolled in the Bermuda covered ground decorated with brown autumn leaves. I saw two figures from afar, one I recognize the most.

 **"Yuri, come sit. It's been a while"** she said and offered me a chair. **"Thank you. How have you been?"** She smiled at me gently and turned towards her lover. **"It was really difficult after the incident but we moved on from it"** she replied and I smiled as well. He held the man's hand before passing me a box. **"What is this?"** I asked. **"It was from him. He said it was important for the both of you"** she said and I opened the box. It was the ring I told him to pass to his student. **"He said that you will be the only student he will ever teach"** she said that made tears fall from my eyes again. **"Did you know, he told me that if we get a daughter, we will name her Anne. He said that it means ring in French"** she laughed. **"I know that he can speak French fluently but to name her after his treasure, it was quite peculiar for me"** she continued. **"Maybe it showed how he really treasure you too. He would always mention your name back then too I almost got jealous"** she said and laughed.

I held the ring as I let my tears flow freely. **"Thank you for loving my husband, Yuri"** she said and patted my back. **"Where's the other ring?"** I asked. **"He's wearing it. He never took it off from the very first place"** she replied. **"I'll leave him in your care now"** she added and smiled at me. **"Thank you"** I replied as she and the man stood up. **"Then, we'll be off"** she said and they left holding each other's hands lovingly. I grabbed the flower I was carrying earlier and stood up too. I placed the flowers on the ground and looked at the name on the grave.

 _Viktor Nikiforov  
Birth: December 25, 20XX  
Death: January 12, 20XX_

 **"Viktor, why did you leave us already?"** I asked as I cried. I opened my bag and took five gold medals and dangled it in front of his grave. **"Here, I became a five time world champion already... Why can't you wait for you to kiss these?"** I cried, wishing that this was all a dream and there he will be, standing in front of me, smiling with his heart shaped mouth. **"You're so unfair, Viktor"** I complained as if the grave would talk back to me. **"I'm sorry I wasn't able to tell you I love you"** I gritted. **"I love you... I love you so much that it hurts"** I said softly. I put the ring on my finger and kissed it. **"Just wait for me for a bit, I might not be the one you are waiting for, but I want you to at least feel my love"** I muttered sadly. **"Just wait for a little bit more, I'll follow you soon, too"** I said and touched the his grave.

It may be a couple of decades more, Viktor, but still, I want you to know I love you so much, wherever you are.

END


End file.
